• isabeltansey


Have you ever taken a minute to think about who would care if you were to suddenly not exist? Family and close friends probably come to mind. What you probably wouldn’t expect is the girl you sit beside in a class every week to notice, the barista at Starbucks while getting your daily coffee fix, or the guy you smiled at every Thursday when you saw him at the library. Every single day, you have the possibility of impacting someone else’s life by simply existing.

I recently lost a good friend, who died by suicide. He was anything but ordinary. He was someone that impacted people’s lives every single day. His smile was contagious. He was the type of person you looked forward to seeing, with the best sense of humour and the most enormous heart. He’s the type of person that no matter how well you knew him, left an impact.

If you’ve ever lost someone you cared about, you know that it is an impossible feeling. It doesn’t make any sense, and it’s far from fair. Everything else in the world seems unimportant. Some of us get angry, others sad. Some just become numb. Grief is a very scary thing, and I don’t think anyone is perfect at it.

The most important thing to remember is that you have permission to fall apart. To break and crumble. You are allowed to feel like the only thing keeping you from falling is the force of your fingers on the edge . You have permission to need. You deserve to be helped, loved and understood. And do the same for others. You have permission to feel everything, and let it crash over you in waves. Or to step back to the safety of the shore, giving yourself a break. Holding your breath underwater is hard. You have permission to take your time. Everyone heals at their own pace. Don’t rush it. Wounds do not heal when they’re not ready to.

When the time is right, you need to talk. Tell someone how you’re feeling because it will be a breath of fresh air. Never, ever feel guilty for how you feel. Men are taught growing up that talking about their feelings makes them soft, weak and vulnerable. But these kinds of conversations leave you anything but weak. To be vulnerable is to be strong. You need to be courageous – and to do that you have to let your walls down.

So this is your life, and you are going to be both moved and confused by it. You are going to experience things that will inspire you, and things that you will never quite come to terms with. You are going to love people that you will sometimes lose, but you will also find those that stay. Appreciate those people, let them know how much you care. Every single day. You are going to laugh until you cry, you are going to ache in ways you never thought possible; you are going to be exhausted by the chaos of it all. You are going to be hurt, and you are going to hurt. Sometimes you’ll be the bad person, the one that makes mistakes. Sometimes you will have to give yourself your own closure. Sometimes you will have to let go. You’ll have to find comfort in being alone, and in being lost. Yes, this is your life. And though it can be unpredictable, messy, and even break you down – you are going to survive it. You will always survive it.

My friend was the happy one, the one that wanted to make everyone else smile. Check in on everyone you care about. Maybe you feel like the sun will still rise if you’re not around, but I promise, it won’t be the same kind of light. Remember that even the girl you sit beside in class once a week looks forward to your goofy grin. Never stop reaching out, because there are more people that you can even imagine that care SO deeply about you.

Courage is defined as “the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger and pain without feat; bravery.”

In loving memory,

always have courage – and be kind.

- Iz

574 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All